Two nights ago, Matthew and I were in the midst of our nighttime routine - bath, book and boob. I usually combine the latter two and read Goodnight Moon to him while he nurses. I read it quietly, and in the dark. I still use the book, although I’ve long since memorized the book.

Two nights ago, though, it was as if he suddenly realized what I was doing - reading to him. He would latch on, and as soon as I would start reading aloud, he’d latch off and look up into my eyes and stare. I would latch him back on, and read again and pop! Off of the breast, looking straight into my eyes. On and off we read Goodnight Moon that night, him staring at me intently.

Something happened that night - a little lightbulb went on in his head and I think he realized something about our relationship that he hadn’t conceived of before. And something happened to me that night too - I think I saw a glimpse of what it’s like to be a mother.