Over the last few months, my milk supply has drastically tanked. I know this is in part due to Matthew starting solids (somewhat), and the pump being just not as efficient as Matthew, but the reality is that we’re staring down 14 ounces in the freezer to hold us over. At this rate, next week or the week after we’ll have to start supplementing, in some shape or form. I am upping my pumping sessions and started taking fenugreek (carefully, though, because it’s been known to cause low blood sugars in diabetics) to help up my supply, but I don’t want to go to extreme measures, for my health or Matthew’s.

I’m still going to pump, because I want to keep breastfeeding and providing as much breastmilk as I can, but I would be lying if I didn’t say it was killing me a little inside. I never thought I would enjoy our nursing relationship as much as I do, and at some point, after nursing got easy, I decided that I would let Matthew wean himself. I never considered that I’d stop before at least a year because my supply would tank spectacularly.

I am being completely irrational, I know - I provided over 8 months of breastmilk and that is better than 7 or 6 or no months of breastmilk. I know that formulas today are a fine substitute, and whatever Matthew does he will be just fine, he will continue to thrive and I will continue to nurse him as much as he wants to or can until my milk dries up.

I feel, irrational or not, like my body is failing me. As stupid as it sounds, I feel like I’m in mourning, a little.