The Backstory.

I was recently at a conference down in Orlando, Florida. This was a pretty big conference - over 9500 registered participants in my field, and because it’s a family-friendly locale, a lot of participants brought their families.

Because of the size of the conference, official conference activities were spread out over two hotels, with sessions at both, and participants staying at both hotels as well. I was at the Orlando Marriott World Center when I needed to pump. I went to the front desk and explained that I was a breastfeeding mother and asked for a space for me to pump milk. The front desk clerk hemmed and hawed and said, “Oh, you can use a restroom.”

Oh, snap.

“I’m sorry, but I refuse to use a restroom. It’s an inappropriate place and I just won’t. All I need is an outlet and a door,” I said. She hemmed and hawed and asked another clerk, who shrugged her shoulders and told her to find a supervisor to ask. The clerk disappears behind the desk and reappears a few minutes later.

“I’ll call down to the spa and see if we can find you a place.” She dials and is on the phone for a good five minutes - in the meantime I spot a friend of mine and go over to talk to him. “I’m sorry, the spa is entirely full and there’s nothing I can do.”

“There’s nothing? All I need is an outlet and a door. I just need twenty minutes - tops.” She shook her head and repeated herself lamely.

I walked away, fuming silently. My friend saw me and after me telling him what was going on, gave me the key to his room so I could go up and pump. By this point I was about an hour after I’d wanted to pump - before coming to the hotel, I was stuck on a shuttle bus from the other conference hotel that broke down and overheated. It was not a fun afternoon.

The first letter.

The more I thought about it, the more irritated I got. So I wrote a letter and submitted it to the main Marriott website.

To Whom It May Concern:

I recently visited the Orlando World Center Marriott, not as a guest of the hotel itself but as a member of a conference.

I am a working mother. I am also a breastfeeding and pumping mother. Imagine my surprise and horror when I asked the front desk for a private place to pump, and first being offered a bathroom, and then being told that in the entire hotel, there was no place at all for me to pump. I told the front desk clerk that all I needed was some privacy, a door, and an outlet to plug my pump into. Ten minutes and several phone calls to supervisors and to the spa later and it was determined there was nowhere for me to pump.

I am pretty dismayed. On a practical level, I have specific time limits in which pumping is productive and pumping outside of those time limits hurts my supply. On a personal level, I am deeply offended that my decision to work full-time, support my family, and provide breastmilk for my son, was thwarted by the ignorance and unwillingness of your staff to assist. I find it pretty outrageous that in Orlando, Florida, a family-friendly tourist-heavy city, that at the Orlando World Center Marriott I could not be deigned a small room to pump. I find it difficult to believe that in a conference of nearly 10,000 participants, I was the only one who needed a place to pump. The expression of milk is probably one of the basic things a working mother can do to demonstrate her family commitment. The Orlando World Center Marriott did not permit me to do so.

I am not asking for any financial recompense for this, since I paid money to the conference organization for my conference registration, and they in turn paid you for use of your facilities. I will be writing them a letter describing this incident and urging them to investigate and use more family-friendly and certainly more breastfeeding/ pumping-friendly facilities from now on. I would, however, appreciate an apology from the staff or an acknowledgement regarding what policies or procedures will be put into place to make sure that this experience is not repeated again by any other working mother.

A prompt response to this concern is appreciated and expected.

Best regards.

I sent that on Friday. I received a confirmation on Saturday, the 7th, and a response from the general manager of the Orlando World Center Marriott today.

The Way Not To Write An Apology Letter.

The letter:

Thank you for taking the time to share your recent visit to the Orlando World Center Marriott; and more in particular, our inability to provide you with a place to pump your milk. As you know, your comments have been shared with me so I could directly respond to your concerns.

I regret our associates appeared to be insensitive to your request, however, the hotel was sold out and a space to meet your needs was not available. While we strive to positively respond to our guests, it isn’t always possible. I regret the unpleasant feelings this matter caused you and extend my sincerest apology.

Sincerely,

Phil Coffey, General Manager
Orlando World Center Marriott
8701 World Center Drive
Orlando, FL 32821
Phone: 407-238-8571

At this point I think my head has exploded. I was annoyed before, but now I am outraged and upset.

My second letter.

Dear Mr. Coffey,

Your associates didn’t “appear” to be insensitive, they were insensitive. Do you know what it’s like to provide nourishment and food for another human being? Do you know how working mothers pump breastmilk? Do you know how it’s done? Do you arrange your expensive food for your guests to be catered in your facility bathrooms? Do your chefs have to work in an environment where they hear people urinating and defacating?

Orlando bills itself as a family-friendly city. This one insensitive act may have hurt my breastmilk supply, which I’ve been working so hard to maintain for the benefit of my family - my son. Not providing a family room, which the OTHER hotel involved with this conference did provide, strikes me as a very family-unfriendly act.

You do not regret the unpleasant feelings this caused me and I don’t believe your apology at all. I have an incredibly hard time believing that at the Orlando World Center Marriott I was and am the only mother to ever need a place to pump breastmilk. Furthermore, I have a hard time believing that your hotel has never had an employee who chose to breastfeed and pump their milk for their child. I have a hard time believing that there was no space anywhere in your entire hotel where I could have pumped in private. Do you not have offices for your employees? Meeting rooms for your employees?

Actually, I take that back - if your employees’ experiences were anything like mine, I can totally understand why they don’t breastfeed, what with the lack of support and resources.

At any rate, your apology rings hollow and false, content notwithstanding, because of your use of the word “however”. That small word negates everything preceding it. As described by my husband, “Ah yes, the old, ‘I accept total responsibility but it wasn’t my fault at all.’”

If I were in your shoes and had received a letter from a mother like me, I would have written something to the effect of the following.

Dear Ms. Working Mother:

I am truly sorry to hear about your negative experience at the Orlando World Marriott Center. We strive to respond positively to our guests and in this case, we did not meet your expectations. I will be reviewing our policies and procedures and training our staff to appropriately respond to the needs of all of our guests, and provide appropriate facilities for working mothers to pump breastmilk.

If you do have a chance to visit Orlando again, please give us another chance.

That’s all. I don’t want a room comped for a visit, I don’t want a gift certificate, I just want an apology that doesn’t have conditions attached. I want a working mom to go to a conference and be able to maintain her breastfeeding relationship with her child. I want a working mom to be able to balance it all and more, and not have to do it in a bathroom, as if she had to be ashamed to pump milk or to nurse her child. I am not ashamed. I am proud of the work I have done.

I will be sending this letter along to every executive at the Marriott I can find, as well as passing this along on my website. I have a feeling I am not the only one who feels as outraged about this pithy response and reaction.

Yours sincerely.

There.