April 12th, 2007hooked up
First off, thanks for your support and solidarity. It is muchly appreciated. I am a little agog about the comments and emails that have come in.
There were a few people who thought, apparently, that I should have done more work before going to the conference. Sure, I could have. Next time I go to a Marriott and if I am still pumping at that point, I will have the manager’s name in the ready in case I can’t get somewhere private to pump.
A few points of clarification…
- I did ask the “help” station at the conference (for lack of a better term). They referred me to the hotel’s front desk. As I wrote to the Marriott below, a copy of this letter will certainly be sent to the organizers for the future.
- I never asked for a guest room to pump in. All I wanted was somewhere private that wasn’t a bathroom. If I was at one of the other conference hotels, I would have simply gone back there, or since my son was with me, I would have had my husband bring him to me so he could nurse. However, since I wasn’t staying at any of the official conference hotels, it was just me and my pump. I was at a conference center once and when I asked if there was anywhere for me to pump, the woman thought for a moment, and then jumped up to give me her office for the 20 minutes I needed. Now, THAT is customer service.
- I expected more from the Marriott because I have in the past pumped at a Marriott and the front desk clerks were MORE than accommodating.
- Some people think I should have pumped in the bathroom. One also thought my second letter was hysterical. I was ready to pump wherever I could - my pump adapter had fresh batteries in it. That’s not the point.
The point of the matter is that we should not have to. I shouldn’t have to relegate myself to a bathroom to pump because of the lack of courtesy and training from these people at the Marriott. Working and pumping mothers deserve better. It is not too much to ask for, as I said below as well as to the person, “A door, an outlet, and some privacy.” It is not too much to ask not to listen to people urinate and defecate. Don’t we deserve better? That’s all I want.
And if I sound hysterical, well, maybe I was. I have been battling supply issues for the last few months. I just defrosted my last bag of frozen breastmilk. I donated over 266 ounces of breastmilk (that had dairy in it) and as things happen, my son probably doesn’t have a milk protein allergy. I am staring down formula supplementation, and it is killing me.
Forgive a little hysteria for wanting to do well by my son AND not degrade myself in the process. What the hell was I thinking.
April 12th, 2007 at 4:51 pm
You need to take a deep breath, and then contact the Conference Organizers. Your beef is not with Marriott.
No one is telling you not to work your hardest to provide human milk for your son. No one is trying to maliciously endanger your milk supply. What people are saying is, and especially the women at breastfeeding.com, is that you are barking up the wrong tree with your anger towrds the hotel.
If you want things to be different for the next conference participant(and trust me, Marriott hosts HUGE conferences, all year, almost every day of the year), perhaps a CALM and pleasantly worded letter to Marriott about how wonderful it would be if they provided a “family room” for conference participants, with privacy for nursing mothers, and outlets and privacy screens for pumping mothers. The phrase “You get more flies with honey than with vinegar” would ring very true in this situation.
Do you think the CEO/COOs are going to do ANYTHING to accomodate a breastfeeding mother if their view of such is a hysterical, demanding, entitled person with little self control?
I’m the mother of 2 kids myself, nursed for a total of 7 years, and my last child weaned on the 9th of this month, at age 5 years, so, I consider myself a strong and vocal Lactivist, but again, I beg to differ with your stance on this.
April 12th, 2007 at 6:18 pm
Don’t apologise. You can bet that if you were a male CEO of an important company who needed to use his laptop privately with a power outlet, you’d have been given a space somewhere to do it. You are entitled - you are entitled to operate in a society that makes provisions as a matter of course for the fact that lactating women participate fully in society, and if you kicking up a ruckus makes them think twice next time they’re approached, then good on you.
Whether or not the hotel made a specific undertaking to you - hotels host functions all the time, and ought to be aware of the needs of those likely to attend functions.
April 12th, 2007 at 7:32 pm
Hi Jane, long time no see.
I don’t not agree with you, I just think in THIS situation, she’s mad at the wrong people, and that if she wanted to exact changes, a well written letter campaign that was professional and well worded would get her more in the way of changes and provisions for pumping/nursing mothers at future events.
April 12th, 2007 at 8:20 pm
You have done a fine job standing up for all of us working mothers. You know I appreciate that!
April 12th, 2007 at 9:26 pm
I don’t know…seems like the first letter was professionally worded, and got her nowhere. The request was politely given, and got her nowhere. Her insistence was firm but reasonable, and got her nowhere. I would say that anger was called for.
At any rate, Casey, I showed your post to my husband–who has to travel to Orlando not infrequently for business. And, he’s a Marriott preferred customer. His response was immediate. “I’ll never stay there.”
Thank you for standing up for working m others, and for doing so publicly.
April 12th, 2007 at 11:05 pm
You are completely overreacting! Your sense of entitlement and grandiose expectations are simply pathetic!! How dare you walk into a hotel – one that you’re not staying at, nor paying for – and have the audacity to expect a business at maximum capacity (you mentioned 9,500 attendees) to have private accommodations to suit your self serving needs. You are totally out of line, acting selfish and ridiculous. As a woman, I am ashamed at the example you attempt to set for breastfeeding mothers. The hotel and the corporation deserve your unconditional apology. If Marriott had any business sense, it should dump you as a customer – you are unreasonable, unstable and an endangerment to its guests and employees.
April 12th, 2007 at 11:12 pm
I am unreasonable, unstable and an endangerment?
My tits are AMAZING.
April 12th, 2007 at 11:16 pm
Hmm, Christina. Posting angry comments ranting about a stranger, using multiple exclamation points, diagnosing random people as “unstable” and “an endangerment” sight unseen- seems a bit grandiose. Almost as though you were overreacting.
April 13th, 2007 at 1:28 am
I gotta say, I’m always blown away when women tell one another that their way to stand up to men acting offensively is, essentially, to be more “ladylike” and accommodating to those who refuse to accommodate us. If all women threw off that insidious line of thought once and for all, we wouldn’t need to be having this discussion.
April 13th, 2007 at 8:07 am
Thank you! It’s women like you who encourage women like me who are more likely to NOT say something to stand up and speak. You did have the right to ask, and as a paying member of the conference you had a right to be treated in a way that was much more respectful of your needs than you were.
You are looking after the best interests of your son, and they could easily have accomodated you if they’d made a little effort.
They would have had offices and staff facilities, I am sure there were plenty of ways they could have helped you, as other places have. Hopefully your letters will get through to enough people who are willing to make a difference, the original recipient obviously isn’t.
April 13th, 2007 at 9:44 am
I find it amazing that people think you weren’t paying to be there. I had no idea hotels hosted conferences for free. Of course you were paying to stay there, and while they don’t need to give you a penthouse suite, a little gesture of trying to find a small office or something would have gone a long way, as would a genuine “I’m sorry we weren’t able to help you more” response.
I find it funny that so many breastfeeding mothers are gouging you for expecting that you shouldn’t have to pump in a bathroom. My own bathroom here at home is perfectly clean and I would still prefer to not pump or nurse in there, let alone a public restroom.
Also, if you were a formula feeding mother and you asked for some hot water for your formula or a microwave to heat your bottle up and you were denied, people would be all up in arms about that. Amazing that so many people don’t see what’s wrong with the nonchalant way you were brushed off.
April 13th, 2007 at 10:54 am
I’m not a breastfeeding mother, nor will I ever be, and I would be absolutely horrified if I was in the bathroom and a woman was pumping in the stall next to me. That’s disgraceful on behalf of the facility, not the mother. (Just to clarify that point.)
Your boobs are rock stars, btw. MWAH.
April 13th, 2007 at 2:48 pm
Hey Casey! I picked-up on your blog thanks to Stacie’s site. You’re never going to believe this; I’m in Orlando, tagging along with my husband as he is attending a convention. We’re staying at Walt Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort and Spa.
When I picked up on your blog and the various comments, I decided to conduct a little experiment of my own today. So in the spirit of your situation, I too approached the front desk and explained that I was a breastfeeding mother and asked for a space to pump milk. They asked if I was a guest; I replied no, but I was attending a convention. Guess what? They too referred me to the woman’s restroom. Because it was an experiment, I didn’t push the issue (I felt a little guilty with the lie).
Could this be a practice indusrty wide? The Marriott is one place, but Disney-that was a little shocking.
My husband and I have a client dinner at the Gaylord Palms this evening. If I get the time, I’ll attempt the same experiment and see what happens.
April 13th, 2007 at 5:56 pm
Way to waste low paid, hard working hotel staff’s time, Lori. Just leave the desk clerks alone and eat your free dinner, for crying out loud.
Or, maybe you could conduct your very own Gallup poll and bother ever desk agent in the Orange County area. Sounds like you have a lot of time on your hands.
April 14th, 2007 at 8:41 pm
-deleted. Jane, if you want to post your opinion, like I said, start your own damned blog.