These last few days I learned the following:

  1. I am a liar
  2. I am purposely (?) attacking people for their religious and/or political beliefs
  3. I should be held to higher or equal standards (the jury is out and undecided on that one) for participation
  4. I apparently hate the average person - you know, the white Christian non-breastfeeding gas guzzling people out there.
  5. Yes, I hate them all, apparently. Hate my kid enough to feed him formula too. OH NOES
  6. I live an extreme lifestyle. Are you ready? WAIT FOR IT. I … recycle. God, I am such a bitch.

How on earth do I live with myself? I ask you.

So just to cover my bases with everyone, here is a handy list of people and ideas I hate, so you can use this against me one day when we’re arguing and you can’t think of anything coherent to say. Please print it out and paste it on your monitor.

I hate:
- Jesus, Allah, and Buddha
- Zoroastrians, Jews, Druze, and lawyers. If you’re a Zoroastrian attorney, YOU LOSE.
- Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, the asshole
- Vince McMahon
- Ron Paul, mostly because he’s got too many damned posters all over creation and back
- my dog’s way of shedding hair and remaining fully-furred, inexplicably
- people who cut me off on the highway
- inconsiderate pedestrians
- adults who bike on sidewalks. You’re a vehicle, dammit, get into the street! THERE’S EVEN A BIKE LANE!

Have I missed anything? I hate you, you and you too.