Josh and Matthew, along with Josh’s grandmother, went to Santa Fe this past weekend to see his sister graduate from college. I had to work this weekend so unfortunately was unable to make it - congrats Jera! - and so on Friday morning, I drove the three of them to the airport, and they went off. I was sad, but I did not cry!

This weekend was difficult - I had a hard time falling asleep on Friday night, and then last night I went to bed too late because I was caught up in watching outtakes from Whose Line Is It Anyway? on youtube. I ran a lot of errands yesterday and also did my part to stimulate the economy (which we haven’t gotten our check yet, but look at me, being a good citizen and stimulating things!).

Today, I went to pick them up at the airport and finally they arrived and I pulled up in the car (I was driving Josh’s grandmother’s car this weekend) and hopped out. Matthew was standing behind the suitcase or stroller, so Josh nudged him onto the sidewalk and I called out to him. He was so excited and happy that he started running immediately and screaming with joy. He hugged me non-stop for five minutes and did not let go of my neck. He also peppered my face generously with kisses and squealed every now and again and man oh MAN was that the best feeling EVER. I hated seeing them go, but the homecoming - that was amazing. If I ever before doubted this boy’s love for me, today’s display definitely proved me wrong, and I’m glad for that.

I know I wrote about post-partum depression before, but every time I see Matthew displaying intense affection it makes me sad and happy at the same time - sad that at the time I had a hard time seeing Matthew display this affection in the ways he knew how to then, and sad that I was so hard on myself. But I am also happy, because the struggle to get here - while I do not recommend it - makes me appreciate what I do have ten times over.

I know parenting isn’t for everyone. I do wish, though, there was a way I could bottle up this boy’s pure ecstatic joy and give everyone a taste of it. It really, really made my day.