admin note: if you’re interested in hopping on the notify list to be informed when the babe makes his grand appearance, feel free to sign up. The notify is one-way only and notifies of new entries, on the site here as well as when the baby is born. email me to be added.

Today we had part one of a two-day/weekend lamaze workshop, and it’s been a good experience thus far - the breathing might be hokey and silly, but the relaxation piece had me nearly asleep at one point (I think I might have been inclined to snooze a little though; I woke up really early this morning (5:10AM!) for no apparent reason), and seeing and talking through positive birth experiences and the stages of labor has me much more relaxed about birth in general. I’m still anxious and worried, but I am always anxious and worried. Josh did a great job of being a supporter today and I have no doubt that with him there I will be a-okay.

We talked on the way home about how I was feeling about the birthing process and everything, and I am feeling good. Everywhere you turn online and offline you have people giving you an opinion about how the ideal birth should happen - you should/shouldn’t have an epidural/pain medication/medical intervention; you should/shouldn’t give birth in a hospital/at home/in a taxi; you should/shouldn’t breastfeed/bottlefeed/JackDaniels feed - the list goes on. I am amazed at the opinions that spout out at you not when you’re ASKED, but by virtue of having a swollen abdomen. It is like the mere fact I am pregnant automatically solicits unwanted advice and information.

Some of it I don’t mind, but man, at just about 9 months pregnant (side note, holy crap, how on earth did the time fly so fast?), the last thing I want to hear is a negative birth story and how XYZ didn’t work for you. I know the negative is out there - god, don’t you think I can do a fair enough job at keeping my head filled with horror stories of stalled labor, emergency c-sections, and all sorts of horrific things that will happen to my baby and me if I don’t do whatever it is I’m being recommended to do? Christ. I am very good at overreacting, people. I don’t need help doing that.

At any rate, what I was telling Josh is that I love the hospital we’re planning on using (very family-oriented, pro-breastfeeding, etc.), I love my doctor, I know my body and myself and I want to have a good birth experience. No matter what, I want to have a good and safe birth experience. If that means I have pain medication when I think it’s necessary, if that means inducing labor when my doctor recommends it and I concur, if that means needing to have a c-section. For the last nine months, Dr. K and I have been getting to know each other. He’s given birth to more babies (well, you know, assisted with them!) than I ever will. I trust him implicitly. He doesn’t want shitty things happening to me or to the baby, and I know he won’t let that happen.

At some point along the line, I feel like I need to put my trust into the system in place and go along for the ride. Not blindly, but willingly. I am willing. I am ready. I am able.

I am not going to go in and demand interventions, but I am not going to unnecessarily torture myself or the baby by being stubborn and uncooperative either. All that being said, someone earlier asked me what my birth plan was, and it is simple. “Don’t let me or my baby die.”

Everything else, as it should be, is negotiable.