Sorry for dropping off into the ether like that. I’d say I’ve been busy, but haven’t we all?

Some fun things: today the landlord’s handymen have been by to install washer and dryer hookups! I am beyond excited, because this means I will break out Matthew’s cloth diapers. And because he was so chunky as an infant, he fit into size larges - which he will still fit into now. Woot! Cloth! Hiney! Yay!

I am the dorkiest person I know getting all psyched about diapers. Sheesh.

Another fun thing: the weather this weekend was gorgeous. One of my favorite pictures of my most favorite subjects:

I am tired of being scared of everything.

I am tired of being afraid to step outside my door because of a sex offender who might live next door/down the street/around the corner from me.

I am tired of being afraid of the Chinese and how they’re trying to kill us all.

I am tired of being afraid of terrorism.

I am tired of taking my shoes off at the airport when it’s security alert orange.

I am tired of orange alerts and laissez-faire TSA screeners.

I am tired of parenting being a game of what is best and how much that costs and if you don’t spend it, then you don’t love your child.

I am tired of parents (other mothers, mostly) who are surprised that another mother would deign to want to go back to work, thrive in that environment, because why have a kid if you’re going to let someone else raise him and therefore miss out on all of the important firsts in his life?

I am just tired. That is all.

I have been glum over the past few days thinking about how shitty 2007 was - and for me, it was a whopper of a year, stressful and angsty and heartbreaking all at once. But for all of the bad parts of 2007 there was an overwhelming amount of good, and I have to remember that. I have to. So here they are.

- January 2007 - Matthew grew teeth. How amazing and ordinary is that? I know babies grow teeth all the time, but it is amazing for me to see these ordinary things happen to my kid. I can’t help it; I am fast becoming one of Those Parents. I’ll try to tame it, though. For what it’s worth, I was totally really excited about him growing a spine when I was still in the early days of pregnancy with the chunk.

- February 2007 - Josh and I hosted our third annual Chinese New Year dinner, and Josh’s parents came out, as well as some of our closest Chicagoland pals. I miss Chicago a lot and it’s because of the people we left behind.

- March 2007 - Matthew started sleeping better when we moved out of his room. This seems so boring, but oh man, did it have a positive effect on our quality of life.

- April 2007 - We had a great trip out to Orlando and were able to visit again with Josh’s parents. We also moved into a great new apartment in Chicago.

- May 2007 - Despite the reason, we had a wonderful trip back east to visit my family. Josh graduated from his Master’s program.

- June 2007 - I visited with two of my closest friends in high school in DC! Best trip ever. I traveled out west to interview for a position in San Francisco.

- July 2007 - I got the job! Matthew turns 1. We moved again, this time for good.

- August 2007 - We got a great new apartment and moved in.

- September 2007 - Matthew had his first haircut. While he might put this on “2007’s Darkest Moments” list, I beg to differ.

- October 2007 - I turn 31, and participate in a 5 mile walk to benefit breast cancer research. It was a great day.

- November 2007 - Matthew gets to tickle my grandmother’s toes. We celebrated Thanksgiving in California.

- December 2007 - We celebrated Christmas in Florida and had a lovely time with the fam.

Things I want to remember about my day with Matthew yesterday:

- He woke up quite happy. He’s been sleeping well again and readjusting back to Pacific time. So that is nice! He’s always so excited to see me in the mornings. He smiles largely and immediately puts his arms up to ask to come out of bed, after playing halfheartedly with some dolls. I ask him, “Where’s your baby doll?” and he picks him up, hugs him, kisses him, puts him up to my face to kiss him and then throws him harshly aside, done with pleasantries and ready to start his day.

- As he was playing with some foam blocks he got for Christmas, he put one into a large box (the one that held his Tonka Truck he got from his grandparents) that was standing upright. After reaching into it and finding he was unable to reach it, he came over and tugged my arm. I asked him, “What happened?” and he pointed at the box and said, “There!” (his version, rather, is “duh!”) so I went over and helped pull out the two foam blocks he’d dumped in. He walked away smiling.

- Matthew got thirsty. I asked him if he wanted me to get him some milk, and he marched over to the living room door and tried to open it. I opened it, and then he marched over to the kitchen and pointed at the refrigerator. I poured him some milk and he marched away sucking happily at his sippy cup.

- Matthew got hungry. I told him I was getting some food ready for him and once I got his little sandwich together, I asked him to get into his booster seat, which he did - he marched over and tried to unbuckle the straps (he’s fascinated with the straps lately and buckles them all up not too long after he’s last used them) and climb in at the same time.

- Matthew wanted to go outside. He kept going at the door and then tried to go down the stairs, so I acquiesced. We went to the park and Matthew had a grand time.

- At dinner time last night, I made Matthew cry. I foresee a lot of angst in teenage years coming up. He was eating cinnamon french toast I made for him (after hoovering an orange - this boy is addicted to citrus - he had his mouth wide open and constantly grunting waiting for me to peel and give him wedges of orangey goodness) and decided to play with the food by throwing it on the floor. I grabbed his hand and told him “No!” sternly, that we don’t throw food on the floor, it’s not nice, and if you’re all done, tell mama “All done!” He stared at me momentarily, his eyes grew big and watered up, lip quivering, and then he opened his mouth and burst into tears! I pulled him out of the booster seat and we cuddled for a moment before he ran off to stand behind a chair and stare at me sullenly before he decided I was okay after all and came back for more snuggles. Then he finished munching a little more before he was totally done.

I know this is probably not the last time something like this will happen, but the big watery eyes? A killer, man.

Written on December 31, 2006:

I do not have a list of things I want to do in 2007 resolution-wise; all I do know is that I have 24 hours in a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year. I want to make the most of each of those days and not give myself too much shit if I don’t. Own each day, good or bad, and be present in the midst of it all. Experience each high, each low, and just be.

I think I did that pretty well.

I am inspired by The Day Zero/101 in 1001 Days Project. 1001 days from tomorrow is Tuesday, September 28, 2010. Follow my progress here.

Happy New Year!

July 14, 2007: Matthew turns 1.

July 20, 2007: My last day of work in Chicago

July 24, 2007: California, here we come.

A trip to DC to visit my girls - June 2007:

All the pictures uploaded today.

…in misty and foggy northern California. It was a HELL of a return trip - just yesterday we were traveling for approximately 17 hours. We left Tallahassee at 12:50pm, arrived in the airport at Jacksonville at 3:30pm, our flight was delayed and didn’t leave until 6:30pm, the transfer in Houston was 30 minutes delayed too, then our stopover in Las Vegas was held up waiting for connecting flights - which they didn’t tell us they were doing for over an hour. M slept for shit (shocker) on the plane. We were supposed to arrive into Oakland at 11:25PM. We didn’t land until about 1AM! Didn’t get home until about 2AM - Josh spent the night at his grandmother’s, because she was headed out to a wedding in southern California, so bright and early they could load up the dogs and bring them to our place.

Dogs, you say? J’s grandmother just got a new poodle puppy, Bibelot, and Ava is ecstatic beyond belief - I think she thinks she’s a puppy too. They are LOUD but they are cute, so it’s an acceptable situation. And thank goodness we have hardwood floors, because the papertrained puppy is not quite papertrained. And we’ve discovered that at some point, Ava was papertrained, because I caught the little sneak squatting on the paper. She hasn’t had an accident at home in ages.

Josh graduated from grad school in May, on Mother’s Day, after Matthew spent a few days in the hospital with RSV.