I was at the train station with Matthew waiting for my in-laws to come. Woman comes up to me and mentions how cute Matthew is.

Woman: “Are you Korean?”
Me (sigh): “No, I’m Chinese.”
Woman (amazed): “Wow! Your English is so good! It’s perfect!”
Me (sigh): “I was born and have lived in the US my entire life.”
Woman: “Do you ever feel like you want to go back to your home country?”
Me: “Uh, this is my home country.”
Woman: “Oh wow! That’s the spirit! Way to go!”

Yeah, I think she missed my point entirely.

My So-Called Life in France: I totally dissed Gwen Stefani.

Swiped from Margaret Cho’s blog. I see Gwen Stefani’s name bandied about in breastfeeding communities, as a celebrity nurser. Come on, people. Aren’t there better role models in the world?

ABC News: Interracial Marriages Surge Across U.S.

I was interested in this article, for obvious reasons, and was pretty disappointed to see any mention of anything other than white/black marriages and families on page 4 when it describes the statistics for White men marrying Asian women (it’s more likely to happen than White women marrying Asian men).

Hello world, guess what? There are more than two racial groups in the United States.

Hot from the presses:

Dear Ms. Myname,

Your correspondence addressed to Mr. J. W. Marriott, Jr. regarding your recent experience at the Orlando World Center Marriott has been forwarded to me with a request to respond to you on his behalf.

Please accept my sincere apology for the inability of our Front Desk associates to accommodate your request. You can be assured that our Director of Rooms Operations has thoroughly reviewed this matter with his staff and that guidelines have been established so our associates are better prepared to respond to similar requests in the future.

I hope your impressions are not permanently marred and you will provide us the opportunity to be of service when you return to Orlando.

Phil Coffey, General Manager
Orlando World Center Marriott
8701 World Center Drive
Orlando, FL 32821
Phone: 407-238-8571

I am amused that the wording of the last line is similar to my own, but on the whole, good on them. Thank you.

The Good: Matthew’s 9 month well-baby visit went, er, well. He’s 26 lbs. 6.9 oz., 29.75 inches, and his head circumference is 19 inches. Chunkalunk.

The Bad (which is also good in some ways): we will definitely start supplementing tomorrow. I only managed 5 ounces today, and that is after this weekend’s crazy extra pumping and gorging on oatmeal (I can’t take a lot of the regular galactagogues because of my diabetes). The good in this is that the pediatrician today recommended that we try soy formula first to see how Matthew does with it - and if he does well, we’ll start reintroducing dairy into my diet again. The thought of cheese right now is more than I can bear.

The Ugly: A mom was asked to leave a Ronald McDonald House because she was breastfeeding. The stupidity of others never ceases to amaze me.

My heart goes out to the Virginia Tech community today. I won’t link, because it’s all over the internet. I am a proud James Madison University alumna; for a variety of reasons, this story is really hitting close to home. Much love to the Hokies.

First off, thanks for your support and solidarity. It is muchly appreciated. I am a little agog about the comments and emails that have come in.

There were a few people who thought, apparently, that I should have done more work before going to the conference. Sure, I could have. Next time I go to a Marriott and if I am still pumping at that point, I will have the manager’s name in the ready in case I can’t get somewhere private to pump.

A few points of clarification…

- I did ask the “help” station at the conference (for lack of a better term). They referred me to the hotel’s front desk. As I wrote to the Marriott below, a copy of this letter will certainly be sent to the organizers for the future.

- I never asked for a guest room to pump in. All I wanted was somewhere private that wasn’t a bathroom. If I was at one of the other conference hotels, I would have simply gone back there, or since my son was with me, I would have had my husband bring him to me so he could nurse. However, since I wasn’t staying at any of the official conference hotels, it was just me and my pump. I was at a conference center once and when I asked if there was anywhere for me to pump, the woman thought for a moment, and then jumped up to give me her office for the 20 minutes I needed. Now, THAT is customer service.

- I expected more from the Marriott because I have in the past pumped at a Marriott and the front desk clerks were MORE than accommodating.

- Some people think I should have pumped in the bathroom. One also thought my second letter was hysterical. I was ready to pump wherever I could - my pump adapter had fresh batteries in it. That’s not the point.

The point of the matter is that we should not have to. I shouldn’t have to relegate myself to a bathroom to pump because of the lack of courtesy and training from these people at the Marriott. Working and pumping mothers deserve better. It is not too much to ask for, as I said below as well as to the person, “A door, an outlet, and some privacy.” It is not too much to ask not to listen to people urinate and defecate. Don’t we deserve better? That’s all I want.

And if I sound hysterical, well, maybe I was. I have been battling supply issues for the last few months. I just defrosted my last bag of frozen breastmilk. I donated over 266 ounces of breastmilk (that had dairy in it) and as things happen, my son probably doesn’t have a milk protein allergy. I am staring down formula supplementation, and it is killing me.

Forgive a little hysteria for wanting to do well by my son AND not degrade myself in the process. What the hell was I thinking.

The Backstory.

I was recently at a conference down in Orlando, Florida. This was a pretty big conference - over 9500 registered participants in my field, and because it’s a family-friendly locale, a lot of participants brought their families.

Because of the size of the conference, official conference activities were spread out over two hotels, with sessions at both, and participants staying at both hotels as well. I was at the Orlando Marriott World Center when I needed to pump. I went to the front desk and explained that I was a breastfeeding mother and asked for a space for me to pump milk. The front desk clerk hemmed and hawed and said, “Oh, you can use a restroom.”

Oh, snap.

“I’m sorry, but I refuse to use a restroom. It’s an inappropriate place and I just won’t. All I need is an outlet and a door,” I said. She hemmed and hawed and asked another clerk, who shrugged her shoulders and told her to find a supervisor to ask. The clerk disappears behind the desk and reappears a few minutes later.

“I’ll call down to the spa and see if we can find you a place.” She dials and is on the phone for a good five minutes - in the meantime I spot a friend of mine and go over to talk to him. “I’m sorry, the spa is entirely full and there’s nothing I can do.”

“There’s nothing? All I need is an outlet and a door. I just need twenty minutes - tops.” She shook her head and repeated herself lamely.

I walked away, fuming silently. My friend saw me and after me telling him what was going on, gave me the key to his room so I could go up and pump. By this point I was about an hour after I’d wanted to pump - before coming to the hotel, I was stuck on a shuttle bus from the other conference hotel that broke down and overheated. It was not a fun afternoon.

The first letter.

The more I thought about it, the more irritated I got. So I wrote a letter and submitted it to the main Marriott website.

To Whom It May Concern:

I recently visited the Orlando World Center Marriott, not as a guest of the hotel itself but as a member of a conference.

I am a working mother. I am also a breastfeeding and pumping mother. Imagine my surprise and horror when I asked the front desk for a private place to pump, and first being offered a bathroom, and then being told that in the entire hotel, there was no place at all for me to pump. I told the front desk clerk that all I needed was some privacy, a door, and an outlet to plug my pump into. Ten minutes and several phone calls to supervisors and to the spa later and it was determined there was nowhere for me to pump.

I am pretty dismayed. On a practical level, I have specific time limits in which pumping is productive and pumping outside of those time limits hurts my supply. On a personal level, I am deeply offended that my decision to work full-time, support my family, and provide breastmilk for my son, was thwarted by the ignorance and unwillingness of your staff to assist. I find it pretty outrageous that in Orlando, Florida, a family-friendly tourist-heavy city, that at the Orlando World Center Marriott I could not be deigned a small room to pump. I find it difficult to believe that in a conference of nearly 10,000 participants, I was the only one who needed a place to pump. The expression of milk is probably one of the basic things a working mother can do to demonstrate her family commitment. The Orlando World Center Marriott did not permit me to do so.

I am not asking for any financial recompense for this, since I paid money to the conference organization for my conference registration, and they in turn paid you for use of your facilities. I will be writing them a letter describing this incident and urging them to investigate and use more family-friendly and certainly more breastfeeding/ pumping-friendly facilities from now on. I would, however, appreciate an apology from the staff or an acknowledgement regarding what policies or procedures will be put into place to make sure that this experience is not repeated again by any other working mother.

A prompt response to this concern is appreciated and expected.

Best regards.

I sent that on Friday. I received a confirmation on Saturday, the 7th, and a response from the general manager of the Orlando World Center Marriott today.

The Way Not To Write An Apology Letter.

The letter:

Thank you for taking the time to share your recent visit to the Orlando World Center Marriott; and more in particular, our inability to provide you with a place to pump your milk. As you know, your comments have been shared with me so I could directly respond to your concerns.

I regret our associates appeared to be insensitive to your request, however, the hotel was sold out and a space to meet your needs was not available. While we strive to positively respond to our guests, it isn’t always possible. I regret the unpleasant feelings this matter caused you and extend my sincerest apology.

Sincerely,

Phil Coffey, General Manager
Orlando World Center Marriott
8701 World Center Drive
Orlando, FL 32821
Phone: 407-238-8571

At this point I think my head has exploded. I was annoyed before, but now I am outraged and upset.

My second letter.

Dear Mr. Coffey,

Your associates didn’t “appear” to be insensitive, they were insensitive. Do you know what it’s like to provide nourishment and food for another human being? Do you know how working mothers pump breastmilk? Do you know how it’s done? Do you arrange your expensive food for your guests to be catered in your facility bathrooms? Do your chefs have to work in an environment where they hear people urinating and defacating?

Orlando bills itself as a family-friendly city. This one insensitive act may have hurt my breastmilk supply, which I’ve been working so hard to maintain for the benefit of my family - my son. Not providing a family room, which the OTHER hotel involved with this conference did provide, strikes me as a very family-unfriendly act.

You do not regret the unpleasant feelings this caused me and I don’t believe your apology at all. I have an incredibly hard time believing that at the Orlando World Center Marriott I was and am the only mother to ever need a place to pump breastmilk. Furthermore, I have a hard time believing that your hotel has never had an employee who chose to breastfeed and pump their milk for their child. I have a hard time believing that there was no space anywhere in your entire hotel where I could have pumped in private. Do you not have offices for your employees? Meeting rooms for your employees?

Actually, I take that back - if your employees’ experiences were anything like mine, I can totally understand why they don’t breastfeed, what with the lack of support and resources.

At any rate, your apology rings hollow and false, content notwithstanding, because of your use of the word “however”. That small word negates everything preceding it. As described by my husband, “Ah yes, the old, ‘I accept total responsibility but it wasn’t my fault at all.’”

If I were in your shoes and had received a letter from a mother like me, I would have written something to the effect of the following.

Dear Ms. Working Mother:

I am truly sorry to hear about your negative experience at the Orlando World Marriott Center. We strive to respond positively to our guests and in this case, we did not meet your expectations. I will be reviewing our policies and procedures and training our staff to appropriately respond to the needs of all of our guests, and provide appropriate facilities for working mothers to pump breastmilk.

If you do have a chance to visit Orlando again, please give us another chance.

That’s all. I don’t want a room comped for a visit, I don’t want a gift certificate, I just want an apology that doesn’t have conditions attached. I want a working mom to go to a conference and be able to maintain her breastfeeding relationship with her child. I want a working mom to be able to balance it all and more, and not have to do it in a bathroom, as if she had to be ashamed to pump milk or to nurse her child. I am not ashamed. I am proud of the work I have done.

I will be sending this letter along to every executive at the Marriott I can find, as well as passing this along on my website. I have a feeling I am not the only one who feels as outraged about this pithy response and reaction.

Yours sincerely.

There.

Josh came up yesterday with Matthew for our weekly lunch date. He IM’ed me later:

Josh: An older white woman was charmed by Matthew and said that he was gorgeous. She then asked me, “Where did you get him?” I said, “Oh, no, he’s my son.” She responded, “I know he’s your son.”

Josh: To which I must wonder, then what the fuck are you asking?

Casey: Next time you say, “From my wife’s vagina. He was 8 lbs, 6 oz., and all head!”

3 days of 3 racist events, one by one, marching in like little ants.

Today is my divisional holiday party, and Josh’s class was having one too at the same time, so we traded the baby - meeting halfway at the train station. As Josh brought the baby to the train station, a woman approached him and asked, “Aw, what a cute baby. Is it a boy or a girl?”

“Thank you. He’s a boy.”

The woman continues. “Wow, they don’t let a lot of boys out - mostly girls, but not many boys!”

It took me a second to realize when Josh called me, with the Rage, that this woman thought Josh adopted Matthew. That it is impossible for a white man to be the father of an Asian baby.

Even if we adopted Matthew, in what fucking world is it remotely appropriate to say this? As if an adoptive father isn’t a father at all? And since we did not adopt Matthew, does this bitch even realize how much that one phrase hurt? No. I only wish it would make me remotely feel better if she went up to white babies and their parents and said the same sort of shit, but it wouldn’t.

I don’t exist. I am silenced. I am insignificant. I am minor. I don’t count. My experiences don’t matter. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.

If you would like to see an article that talks about how Americans view racism and how that very article indicates a racist institution, this is the article for you.

On its surface, it talks about a poll conducted for CNN about how serious a problem racial bias is in the United States. And then the article only discusses racial relations between whites and blacks. There are no mention of Asians. There are no mention of Hispanics except in relation to whites, i.e., “non-hispanic whites”. A highlight of this article says:

Only a few of either race say they are racially biased themselves.

Yes, because there are only two races. There are only two major ethic groups affected by racism in the United States, and the one other that is mentioned is in relation to the first! What about biracial people? What about everyone else in this fucking country, because all of us, not just the whites and the blacks, are affected when racism permeates things like the media?

The irony of this article would make me laugh if it didn’t really make me want to cry.