Doctor’s visit - I continue to gain weight, which I am not complaining about - I am still a few pounds under my starting weight, and it appears to go straight to the baby - the other day I had a healthy lunch, then at 4PM I was starved so I ate a sandwich, then at 8PM we had dinner (pizza!) and it was like I never ate food before ever. It happens.

I am going in twice a week now for non-stress tests and ultrasounds to check on the fluid and the placenta. All is fine. Today I was at the NST for longer than I anticipated because baby girl would NOT stop kicking and rumbling and rolling. I think she was grooving with all the other moms getting their NSTs done. Finally the nurse asked me to close my eyes and try to sleep (didn’t work, although I’m not sure why - I fall asleep on buses and trains all the time) while she turned down the sounds of everyone else’s machines and upped the white noise.

I am having contractions, but sporadic and annoying, no pattern yet, which is good since I am only 33 weeks along and I have a lot of work to do to get ready before this baby is born. Also, my pelvis feels like it is going to break. I can’t sit or stand or lay down comfortably and this is getting quite annoying. I took 3 buses today and thought I’d be crippled for sure.

Any weekend plans? I think all that’s on my agenda is “sit,” which will be nice. Although I should probably also schedule a haircut for Matthew, because he is looking pretty shaggilicious.

First, I have officially switched over to UCSF for the rest of my prenatal care. I felt much more at home with them, and it’s really nice that they will actually evaluate me more tightly at the end before making a recommendation for induction (because of insulin degrading the placenta and such earlier) versus just recommending it based on dates (CPMC wanted to induce at 39 weeks if I hadn’t gone already). The midwife actually encouraged me to push back and demand to have reasons for procedures. “This is your birth - you take charge!” So nice. I am down another 2 lbs., which makes me down a total of 10. Great diet!

Second, I am kind of enamored with my sewing machine. By kind of I mean really. REALLY REALLY REALLY. I made a couple of key fobs, and am tickled pink. My next projects are Christmas stockings for the kids (!! WTF ) and I bought stuff to make a quilt for Matthew for Christmas. I forgot the booklet with the pattern at work, but I will bring that back tomorrow so I can get started. I think the toughest part of that will be cutting out all of the pieces. It is oddly satisfying and calming.

Third, I am one week away from turning 32. This weekend we celebrated, but nothing went according to plan! We had plans to go to the California Academy of Sciences but our plans were thwarted when we had a hard time finding parking (Josh’s grandmother drove us). Alas. We ran around a playground for awhile, though, before heading off to dinner, at a Vietnamese restaurant near the end of the N-Judah line near the beach. The wait was too long (about an hour!) and by that point both Matthew and I were about to melt into puddles so we went to a Mexican place for dinner, which was decidedly lackluster. Alas. It was nice to spend time with family, though, and it made for a lovely weekend nonetheless.

Fourth, Josh, Matthew and I are sick. Joy. Matthew and Josh seem to have the worst of it, and I fear I am not far behind.

Fifth, last weekend I was in Dallas for a conference and ate marvelously. The conference wasn’t too shabby, I got to meet the lovely Nicole/(lj - elusion) for sushi, and bought a lot of fabric for aforementioned projects. I don’t know where I’m going to get the TIME to do all of this, but I am not going to think too hard about it. While in Dallas, a vendor took a group of us out to eat and I had the most MARVELOUS filet mignon. The waiter asked how I would like it and I said, “Rare!” (if you are going to comment about how I will kill the baby if I eat rare meat, don’t bother, and don’t read the next sentences either).

Then the waiter asked, “Do you want it a little cold in the middle?” I nearly squealed as I shouted in the affirmative. The thing was singed on the outside and mooing on the inside - it was very much like heaven. So nice. And baby loved every bite of it.

Sixth, to end things off on an even number, we have a name picked out for the baby. I think. I thought we had one before but I hedged and I’m sure Josh wanted to toss me out of the window. So we have another and now I am fearing that I am bullying Josh into accepting my will. Which I probably am, so that’s why things don’t feel as resolved as they probably ought. This child will be coming home named “Baby Girl” and she will probably have to name herself one day.

We’re getting ready to go to the farmer’s market and then later on we’re headed to the last Giants game of the season. Instead of getting up to check my reflection in the mirror, I just turned on Photo Booth and glanced there. La-Z.

Oh, where to start. How about a smattering? None of the following items are in any chronological order.

1. Both Josh and I totally are over our asinine neighbors. Apparently multiple heated emails to our landlord are appropriate when we had the audacity to procreate and our devil spawn has the audacity to, you know, live. I am so over them it isn’t even funny. Poor Josh, he’s gotten some of the most, uh, colorful emails from me in my anger and frustration.
2. We spent almost four hours in the Children’s Hospital ER early Saturday morning because Matthew developed croup. Listening to your kid bark like a dog or a seal while he can hardly catch his breath is not my idea of fun. Neither is worrying about how much noise it’s causing (see #1) and then finding out that your worry was well placed because the asshole downstairs did indeed email the landlord. He is thabkfully doing a lot better - his pediatrician says to give him a spoonful of honey to help his cough. He doesn’t turn it down, that’s for sure.
3. Josh got me a sewing machine for my birthday (an early gift, my birthday is in mid-October) and wow, I totally love it. I am all thumbs and have torn things up and ripped out seams but it is fun.
4. On BART right now and the following is one of the most “conservative” conversations I have had in quite awhile. Teen girl: “There’s nothing wrong with being gay. I mean, I have lots of friends who are gay. But why stay in the closet? If you’re gay, come out. If you’re not, stay in.”
5. I am almost seven months pregnant and just now had the first person offer me a seat - out of guilt. I’d been sitting when a guy on crutches came on the train and stood there - no one sitting in the seats reserved for those with disabilities anknowledged him, so I got up. The girl I mentioned above took one look at my belly and sheepishly offered me her seat. I declined.
6. I am changing healthcare providers…seven months in. Long story short, I saw one of the two midwives the other day after a particularly bad headache. I took Advil for it, emailed my midwife, she asked me to come in for a blood pressure check. I did, and saw the other midwife, who spent most of the time we had (maybe 7 minutes?) lecturing me about how bad I was for taking Advil and how I hurt the baby’s heart, and then asked me if I took the glucose tolerance test, commonly administered during this point in pregnancy. I knew right then that she hadn’t even bothered to check my file before coming in. I told her I didn’t, because I already had diabetes, and she told me I should probably take it anyway to see how my body was tolerating it. Fuck that noise. And then she left as quickly as she came in.

   After thinking about it and steaming over it, I have decided that I didn’t even want to chance having this woman come within 50 feet of my body while giving birth. The hospital where I’ve been going has 3 midwives - 2 of whom are the ones in my office, and another guy in another office - yep, a guy midwife. So I did some research today and am having my medical records faxed over to UCSF, which has a huge midwife staff and is considered fairly low intervention, which is what I am aiming for. Once those records are faxed over, I’ll set up an appointment and hopefully find a midwife there who will not treat me like a sack of shit or like an ignorant sack of shit.

7. Matthew has been doing fairly well in his big boy bed, although tonight he was clearly pissed about something and so slapped my face (ugh) and put his hand over my mouth and told me “shh”. His teenage years are going to be a JOY. He’s also randomly saying Joe Biden, which is hilarious - at least someone’s talking about him.
8. Speaking of politics, I am utterly sick of Sarah Palin and her running mate, John McCain. I feel like this entire election is one gigantic clusterfuck of a reality tv show and it is sickening. It really ticks me off - regardless of who is in office, is it really too much to ask for people who are intelligent, respectful, and people who really would put “country first”? Apparently it is, McCain. Country first, my ass.

I think that’s about it.

Does saying “Iraq” refer to:

a) the country of Iraq, or perhaps even the government thereof?
b) the ENTIRE MIDDLE EAST meaning all of those other pesky brown-peopled countries?

I was involved in a conversation today where in response to this article, a staunch Palin defender said that lots of people in her area (suburban Atlanta, I believe) use the term “Iraq” to mean the region, as the word “Coke” is used as a regionalism.

Excuse me while I mop up my brains because they exploded all over the hardwood floors. Blood is a bitch to get out of wood.

did I ever think that hosting/running a mommy board would ever be a good idea? Save a few friendships, it has been one of the worst ideas of my life. I am never volunteering for anything online again.

Okay, just one thing:

I consider myself “pro-choice” - as in, “Women should be the ultimate decisionmakers when it comes to their own bodies.” This doesn’t mean “pro-abortion” - unless it’s really just That Obvious that I want every pregnant woman to suck fetuses out of their snatches. Please.

Abortions for everyone! Line up, ladies, Mama’s comin’ to town!!

Good:
- Baby Girl Cajo has all requisite chromosomes and not a single one more. Yay! Now I wait to worry about other things.

- Heirloom tomatoes. I made caprese salad today with two gorgeous and tasty heirloom tomatoes, a nice hunk of mozzarella and fresh basil. Yummy.

- Minute Maid’s Light Lemonade.

- receiving a Goodmama grape soda diaper in the mail (thanks Kandi! Yours will be out tomorrow or the day after, because I forgot this weekend and suck).

Bad:
- age 2 - and related, the word “MINE”, the action “feet stomping” (which is kind of funny but it is also annoying as sin), and the explosive frustration. (counterpart to that, after time out Matthew runs and gives the best full body hugs ever)

- weekend already over, heading into twelve days straight of work without break (yay?)

- baby girl clothes. Look:

My dear sweet Matthew:

Two years ago today, you joined the world, unhappily I might add, and joined your baba and me together biologically. It was the hardest day of my life but also, in retrospect, the beginning of a wonderful relationship.

One year ago today, you celebrated your first birthday. You weren’t quite walking yet, but we’d already gotten to know so much about you and we were excited about how you’d grown so far and what was yet to come.

And this year, you are two. Two years old. You are such a vibrant little boy and you amaze your mama and baba every day. You love to tease people - running up to them to tickle their belly buttons, or even tease the dog (by taunting her with a tortilla chip and then snatching it back and eating it at the last minute).

Slowly but surely you are talking with us. Here are the things you say on a regular basis:
- I want
- baby
- dog
- poo
- butt
- thank you!
- please
- what’s that
- baba
- mama
- great grandma
- grandma

You understand EVERYTHING, though, and sometimes that’s a little scary. Dr. Gena asked you where her stethoscope was and you turned right around, found it, grabbed it, and handed it back to her. You know many of your body parts - eyes, nose, mouth, teeth, feet, toes, butt (we taught you how to slap your butt when you were naked for a bath - it is a laugh riot). You nod yes and no and sometimes you get really pissed off at us (where you got your anger and rage from we’ll have no idea…) and stomp your little feet madly while shouting at the top of your indignant lungs. You like going into timeout sometimes - I think it gives you a chance to calm down and give you a fresh start, and you certainly like coming out for hugs afterward (and we like giving them too!). You know how to boo baseball teams other than the Giants, and just yesterday when I asked you how old you were you held up two fingers, mimicking mama, and were so thrilled with yourself you started squealing and clapping. Too funny!

You are so curious about everything and sometimes it’s like you can actually see into your brain and watch the gears turn. We’re starting to talk about using the toilet (dear god please let’s be out of diapers) and you are fascinated with the toilet flushing and saying bye-bye to its contents and then crouching down and looking for where the goods were flushed.

These last two years have been long and short at once. I am continually amazed by your growth and your kindness and your laughter and joy. I look forward to many more years of watching you grow into a confident and sparkling boy and wow, am I jazzed that I am your mama and get to have that privilege. I love you.

Mama