Last night, I had my first “loopy” I’ve had in awhile. A “loopy” is when you say something incoherent, insane, or just plain funny while in the throes of sleep or a variation thereof. I used to have a lot of loopies, especially when my diabetes was totally uncontrolled and running rampant, but now that that’s taken care of and I’m generally sleeping much more soundly than I was before, I hadn’t really had any loopies in quite awhile, until the pregnancy thing started. Turns out that the hormones in my body that are creating a wee little being are also wreaking havoc with my brain and causing me to imagine all sorts of wild stories, none of which I have the aforethought to actually write down. I do remember one - when a colleague of mine at work is apparently on his way to South Dakota in a stolen Mack truck. I call him in my dream, and say, “A, what the hell are you doing?” He explains something to me that makes complete sense and then I say, “Oh. OK, well, I’ll see you later then.” When I woke up, I had to really think hard to clear the cobwebs, and I wondered for a good while if I had, indeed, called A. I had not.

Anyway, the other night I had a walking loopy. I got up to go to the bathroom, which unsurprisingly is also another added bonus of pregnancy, and closed the door slightly to the bedroom. Josh was still up (it was only about 12:30, 1AM, and he’s a night owl to my early bird nature). I went to the bathroom and closed the door nearly all the way, and as I sat there, doing my business, I noticed the door to the bedroom still open, and the hallway light shining inside.

“Hey,” I called out to Josh. “Can you shut the door so the light won’t bother Josh?”

Josh looked up and grinned when he realized a loopy was in progress. “Huh? I’m right here!” I patiently tried to explain it again when I realized at some point that I was talking to Josh and not some other random guy at our desk.

“Oh. Never mind.” I finished up, stumbled back into bed, and fell asleep instantly.

It all balances out though, because Josh himself is, from time to time, prone to loopies. The next evening, around 3AM or so, he suddenly climbed out of bed and stumbled to my side of the bed. “Honey, are you okay?” I ask.

He nodded vaguely and muttered something about me moving to the other side of the bed because he could sleep better there. I shrugged and scooted over. He got back into bed and a minute or so later I got up to pee, and when I got back, he’d rolled over to his own side of the bed, fast asleep. Silly.

We’re at the 14 week mark now with the pregnancy, and all is looking good on these fronts. We had another ultrasound on Friday and the baby is measuring 9 days ahead. Looking at the baby’s black and white and grey images on a small monitor just amazed me.

It amazes me that other than purely surviving (and, you know, having the requisite sex to make this all happen), my body has pretty much taken over and created this … being. I am amazed that my body knows how to create a head. Eyes. Feet. Elbows. My body knows what kinds of nutrients the baby needs, and provides it. Time to make a spine! and my body sets the wheels in motion to make a spine.

In six months (!) my body will start winding down its efforts in creating and sustaining a life within me and start the preparations for its arrival outside of my body. And it will know what to do, and that thought amazes me and terrifies me at the same time.

Last year, I had one “resolution” - and not even really a resolution but a goal, and that was that 2005 would be the Year of the Casey. I told myself I would move my ass significantly 20-30 minutes a day and take good care of myself.

I did just that, for the most part. I would say about 75% of 2005 was actively dedicated to that goal, as you can see here. I lost 40.4 lbs in 2005. I lost 28 inches from my body in 2005. I dropped 6 dress sizes. Most of all, I learned how to run. I ran in 3 races, and improved my time in the last two by a minute each. I can’t even begin to express how much that has completely altered how I view my body. I have endurance and stamina.

So, in all, 2005? Check plus.

I don’t have any huge resolutions for 2006. I fully anticipate that I will still be messy, still complain about the loads of laundry I haven’t done and the clothes I haven’t put away, and the checkbook that will be eternally unbalanced. My one goal in 2006 is to learn how to become a mom.

I can’t really explain well how the last few months have gone, since we found out about the pregnancy and since my body has slowly started changing. It’s been frustrating at times - because I am diabetic, I am constantly checking my blood sugar. I think I’m doing well 80% of the time, and relying on my medication to do the rest (although in a few weeks I’ll most likely be transitioned to insulin as my oral medication won’t do the trick beyond the first trimester). I haven’t worked out worth anything, nothing compared to the intense training I put myself through this past summer, having gone from 5-6 workouts a week to just walking to and from work. So much has changed, and yet nothing has changed at all, seemingly.

Right now, it’s still just me and Josh. We make up our menu and grocery list every week (OK, OK, he makes up the list). I call him from the Howard station and he comes to greet me at the train station by the time I arrive. I wake up early (painfully so sometimes) and he wakes up late. He still doesn’t like spinach and I still don’t like watermelon.

But so much has changed. Every now and again I want to scream out to people, “Hey! I’m pregnant! I know I’ve got a flabby and chubby belly, but did you know we heard the heartbeat?” or “I am growing something!” Josh and I wonder what our child will look like, who she or he will take after. How we will care for the baby when my maternity leave is up. How Ava will react to having a third being in our apartment to sniff.

A lot to think about, for sure. A bit under seven months to figure it all out by, right?