Pros - Ava is thrilled to bits that Matthew has started solids. She’s eaten more Cheerios (or rather, Safeway Toasted Oats!) in these last few days we’ve had them than she’s ever eaten before in her life.
Cons - Matthew’s diapers. Yech.
A couple of weekends ago, Josh, Matthew and I survived the trip out of the city to the suburbs to visit a Babies R Us. Would you believe we never once stepped foot into a Babies R Us - ever? Not at all during the pregnancy, not after Matthew was born until he was 8 months old. I got it into my mind that there were some baby items we DESPERATELY NEEDED. Next time, I’m just going to buy the stuff online.
Babies R Us’ slant is definitely toward babies/kidstuff, to be sure, but it was just… over the top. It signified to me why motherhood (I say that very specifically) seems like one big festering competition, and what I hate about motherhood. There’s this sort of undercurrent about motherhood that if you don’t buy brand new, very expensive… stuff… for your babies, you are a bad mother. Babies R Us personifies the commercialization of motherhood that has me itchy. My son does not need a $400 crib with a matching bumper and sheets and ruffle. My son does not need an exersaucer that has 400 toys attached to it and is so busy I got tired just looking at it. My son does not need expensive clothes he’s going to outgrow in a New York second. My son does not need half of the things in this store, and yet here they were, in my face, taunting me.
Buy me. Buy me. You know you should. Doesn’t Matthew deserve the best? If you really loved him, you would buy him that $3-4-500 stroller. If you really loved him, you would buy it all for him.
I am totally projecting, I know. But it’s the little things - the pressure from commercialization, the pressure from work (at home and not), the pressure from the stupid internet, the pressure everywhere - that drive people batshit crazy. And it seems targeted only toward mothers. Where are the fathers in all of this? Babies R Us had a mother’s room for nursing moms, presumably - but where was the father’s room?
So never again. I will do my shopping online, and I will try not to grow new neuroses. The ones I have work just fine.
Josh came up yesterday with Matthew for our weekly lunch date. He IM’ed me later:
Josh: An older white woman was charmed by Matthew and said that he was gorgeous. She then asked me, “Where did you get him?” I said, “Oh, no, he’s my son.” She responded, “I know he’s your son.”
Josh: To which I must wonder, then what the fuck are you asking?
Casey: Next time you say, “From my wife’s vagina. He was 8 lbs, 6 oz., and all head!”
Over the last few months, my milk supply has drastically tanked. I know this is in part due to Matthew starting solids (somewhat), and the pump being just not as efficient as Matthew, but the reality is that we’re staring down 14 ounces in the freezer to hold us over. At this rate, next week or the week after we’ll have to start supplementing, in some shape or form. I am upping my pumping sessions and started taking fenugreek (carefully, though, because it’s been known to cause low blood sugars in diabetics) to help up my supply, but I don’t want to go to extreme measures, for my health or Matthew’s.
I’m still going to pump, because I want to keep breastfeeding and providing as much breastmilk as I can, but I would be lying if I didn’t say it was killing me a little inside. I never thought I would enjoy our nursing relationship as much as I do, and at some point, after nursing got easy, I decided that I would let Matthew wean himself. I never considered that I’d stop before at least a year because my supply would tank spectacularly.
I am being completely irrational, I know - I provided over 8 months of breastmilk and that is better than 7 or 6 or no months of breastmilk. I know that formulas today are a fine substitute, and whatever Matthew does he will be just fine, he will continue to thrive and I will continue to nurse him as much as he wants to or can until my milk dries up.
I feel, irrational or not, like my body is failing me. As stupid as it sounds, I feel like I’m in mourning, a little.
Dear Mama’s friends:
I was so cranky at my parents all day today! First, my baba was barely awake when Mama had to go walk the dog so she set me on the bed, right next to Baba so she could take the dog out. Well, dontcha know I saw SOMETHING underneath Mama and Baba’s bed and so I had to go look at it and maybe chew it, so I went to go get it, and fell off the bed. Baba felt bad; I cried tons of tears, but felt much better after Mama and Baba lavished me with hugs, and I got to pull Mama’s hair.
Later on, when Mama was changing my diaper, I decided that I’d had ENOUGH of diapers and changes and flung myself around and smacked my head into the wall. OW! I was okay - I think I just scared myself, but Mama gave me a pear cube in a mesh feeder and that was yummy!
But that was also messy! Mama was changing my clothes afterward because I had pear juice all over me, and I got impatient with her trying to put my onesie on and yanked my arm back - and hit the back of my head against the wall!
To spite them, I only took a twenty-minute nap this afternoon. HAHA Mama and Baba, I’LL GET YOU.
The last injury of the day - We went out grocery shopping and Baba zipped up my hoodie… with a little bit of Math-flesh in the zipper! Baba was wondering why I was shouting incoherently. Mama quickly figured out what happened and unzipped me.
Here’s hoping tomorrow they don’t let the bus run me over. It’s hard work being a baby.
In Babies I Trust,
Matthew
Dear CTA:
Did you by chance know that there was a time change last Sunday? Because still flashing the incorrect time on one of the moving ad blinkie things feels like you’re rubbing salt into the “it’s not really 7:44AM, it’s 8:44AM, you bastards” wound.
Regards,
Casey
Dear Matthew,
Happy Pi Day!
This last month has been a pretty busy one for you. Not too long after your 7 month birthday, your Grandma and Grandpa, Baba’s parents, came over for Chinese New Year. Not only that, but you had a sleepover with Grandma! Mama and Baba agonized (OK, more like Mama) over your leaving and how quiet the apartment was, but the morning came and went and your Grandma reported that you were loving the hotel life. Not surprising given your penchant for playing with credit cards. I have a feeling you’re going to be a very costly baby!
Chinese New Year was a lot of fun! You had a wonderful time flirting and showing off for Grandpa and Grandma and all of our guests. You clearly were the beau of the ball, for sure. While Grandma and Grandpa were here, we went to your first museum - The Museum of Science & Industry, where we saw the Body Worlds 2 exhibit. That, I think, was more interesting for the big people, rather than you. But it’s nice to get you out and about and exposed to different environments, all the same.
You perfected sitting - we can now sit you down in front of a box of toys, and for the most part, unless you don’t WANT to, you like sitting and playing with the tricks you can find inside that box. For someone who can’t speak, you sure do communicate volumes. You make it pretty clear when I’m holding you and you want to nurse - the wild lunging toward my chest, and the attempts to latch onto anything flesh-like or nipple-like. If you’re playing with something that you probably shouldn’t, and we take it away from you, you shout your frustration, as if to say, “Hey, LISTEN TO ME, parents. I was playing with that! GIVE IT BACK NOW!” And although I hate seeing you cry, sometimes I know your tears are of the crocodile-variety.
You are eating more solid foods. Thus far, you have eaten (and had no bad reaction to) sweet potatoes, butternut squash, multigrain rice cereal (to thicken up the other foods), acorn squash, green beans, carrots, and pears. It makes me sound like a martyr or that I’m boasting when I say that I make your food - I bake/steam and puree it to a fine mush - but trust me, I am not. One thing about your mama is that she is cheap and making your food is cheaper than buying it. And, your mama is a dork, because she thinks making your food is fun.
You have also been busy in the growing department. I would estimate that you are well over 29, probably around 30 inches at this point, over 25 pounds (”reapproaching the growth curve!”) and your mouth is slowly (quickly?) filling with sharp and pointy white objects. Your second two teeth popped quickly in early February and late February/early March the two teeth surrounding the top two center ones (eyeteeth?) broke skin. And then the gums around your bottom teeth are bulging and white, so perhaps another set are coming in there. And, developmentally, you are now mobile. You’re not very quick or efficient, and you may even be moving backwards, but you’re mobile. No wonder your sleep has been…
…crappy. Mama and Baba were pretty much zombies for the entire month of February and then some, and despaired of ever getting any good sleep. But things are getting much better - we realized that we were not helping you by sleeping in the same room with you, and so as much as it broke our heart to do so, we moved out - just out of the bedroom. We’ve rearranged everything for the time being, until we can get into a 2 bedroom apartment. So much can be explained away with your restless sleeping and napping habits, one of which is your eczema. We went to see a pediatric allergist and it turns out you aren’t allergic to the 5 major food allergens or to dog allergen (phew!). You got a prescription for Zyrtec and here’s hoping that you are feeling better very, very soon.
You and Ava are as thick as thieves, still. You are so gentle with Ava and she really looks up to you (which is amusing, given your size). You pet her gently and occasionally stick a hand in her mouth, in which she delights to no end.
Up on the docket for your eighth month: a trip to Disney World! Mama has to go to a conference in Orlando, so we’re packin’ up and headed out. Grandma and Grandpa B are coming down to get their dose of baby. In April, we’ll probably take another trip back east so we can visit your other Grandma, although plans aren’t finalized yet.
It is amazing to watch you grow and learn. Hearing your talk and laughter and seeing you realize things about your environment makes my heart explode. I thought having a baby would be fun, but I just didn’t realize how rich you make my life and for that, I’ll always treasure our relationship. Every day when I come home from work, I feed your dinner and get you ready for bed, and as a part of the bedtime routine, we sit down, just you and me, in the dark of the room and nurse together. I feel your body relax into mine and it is the best feeling ever.
Mama loves you.
Pictures of Matthew’s eighth month are here, as well as under the cut.
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snagged from Stacie, 8 month developmental milestones.
90% of babies can…
75% of babies can…
50% of babies can…
25% of babies can…
I am addicted to babywearing. At first it started out as a convenience thing, because living in Chicago and having no car means that you’ve got to find a way to carry a baby around, and sometimes strollers just won’t cut it. But I am totally addicted now.
We have a Maya Wrap Ring Sling, a Bayou Bebe mei-tai, a Moby Wrap, I ordered a MTC Mei Tai (any day now!) and yesterday in a fit of pique, I took these directions and made a mei tai. Pictures are beneath the cut.
