Dear Matthew:

We’re pretty much settled into our home in the Bay Area, although we’re still waiting on your permanent crib (should be here this weekend or Monday latest), and for a dresser for you, but otherwise, here we are. This month marked your discovery and mastery of those two sausages attached to your body - your legs. That’s right, you figured out how to walk, which means that the poor dog is now in a whole heap of trouble.

You not only walk, but sometimes you waddle/run. You get so excited sometimes when we hold our arms out wide and you run into them, hugging us tightly. And then you get really excited when we run after you and you hightail it away from us, enjoying the chase.

You are such an affectionate boy. In the mornings, after you’ve gotten a good night’s sleep (and thank GOD you’ve resumed sleeping more soundly through the night, by far*) you hop up and smile huge, I pick you up and you hug me tight and close for a hug. It is the best thing ever, by far. What’s also really cool - when Baba brings you to meet me at the train station, you take one look at me and break into a huge grin and sometimes are so excited you actually chuckle. Babies chuckling!

But you’re not so much a baby anymore - you’re definitely a toddler. You’re growing up. You’re spending your days now at Dixie’s and once you get over the indignity of Baba leaving you to have fun, you get down to the business of having fun. You love it at her place - you eat all of her watermelon and flirt with a little girl, Brooke, who is 3 days younger than you and a little over half your weight. I asked the folks there today how you did and besides the not napping, they mentioned how you’ve kissed Brooke a few times. Ha! I suppose it’s okay, though - Baba mentioned once that he thought you had a bruise on your cheek, but upon further inspection, it was lipstick - probably from Brooke’s mom when she gave you a kiss. Brooke looks for you in the morning - partners in crime, through and through.

At home, you’ve learned how much fun it is to “play” with Ava, who is being a good sport about your roughhousing, bless her heart. You charge at her full force and dive bomb into her, while she’s lazy and asleep near the window. Sometimes you’re a little sadistic and when Ava is curled up comfy underneath Baba’s desk, you will take Baba’s chair and repeatedly shove it into her, laughing. She always escapes, but always asks for more. She loves you with every bit of her furry being, the loyal dog. You have a good friend in her, Matthew. I hope one day you realize that when you’re not busy torturing her!

You are so much fun to be around. You understand so much, which means Mama and Baba have to really watch our mouths and gestures. The last thing we need is a report from daycare that you’ve flipped someone the bird and called them… well, you know.

Things you totally get:

- “Say hi!” (you wave your hand very deliberately)
- “Say bye!” (you wave your entire arm very manically)
- “Do you want something to eat?” (you start following us and grabbing for our food, oink oink)
- “Do you want milk?” or “Do you want to nurse?” (you dip your head and look for your bottle of milk or down for a boob)
- “Where’s Mama’s/Baba’s belly?” (you look all around, lift our shirts up, and try to give us raspberries)
- “Where’s Matthew?” (you turn around, as if to say, “Duh, I’m right HERE, Mama!”)
- “Where’s Matthew’s belly button?” (you lift your shirt and poke and pinch your belly)

I have a feeling that your starting daycare at Dixie’s will mean that the new things you’ll do will keep right on coming. I am torn and conflicted - I can’t wait for you to keep developing into your own person, but I desperately miss the little schmoo who once curled neatly into my side at night to nurse and sleep. I love the person you’re becoming and miss the baby you once were.

Man, this parenting thing is hard.

Anyway, until next month!

Love, Mama.

*this doesn’t mean Mama and Baba are getting more sleep, because they are chumps.

Josh and I didn’t sleep well last night, because we’re tools who don’t know how to get back to sleep after Matthew fussed for a little bit at 1AM and put himself back down without too much fuss. In the meanwhile, we didn’t get back to sleep until probably around 3:30. Gah. I ended up leaving work a little early today because of a blinding headache and met Josh to go and get Matthew from daycare - he’s easing into full-time care during the week (and sleeping like crap for his nap, but what can you do? Transitions are a bitch.) in preparation for Josh’s return to work next week.

At any rate, we all got home (and ate some great food from The Brick Pig’s House down the street from where we live - oh my god, was it good. I haven’t had brisket so tasty and tender in quite a long time. Then as I put Matthew to sleep, he kept drinking his bottle until he threw up all over me. Joy! The boy’s asleep now, thank goodness. Puking sucks.

Sometime this weekend, laundry has to be done, hairs have to be cut (for both Matthew and me) and dim sum has to be eaten.

Things we still need for our apartment:

- a sofa (I like this one)
- a coffee table
- desk chairs (we are partial to these from Target - we had these in Chicago and they lasted us quite a long time!)
- dining table and chairs (I’d prefer to scour craigslist, but the not having a car thing makes it a little more difficult to just go and pick one up)
- dresser and changing area for Matthew
- trash cans
- mop
- dvd player
- computer screen (my poor iMac screen took a beating, damn USPS)
- coffee maker (see, Madelah, I’m listening!) so I can get Dunks coffee in the mail. There is no Dunkin’ Donuts here. This is outrageous.
- shopping cart (like this one)

Other things to get because I like Stuff:
- digital SLR
- sewing machine (Adrith, I have the fabric for the project, but now since I don’t have a sewing machine, I fear that half of the persons for whom this project was intended will outgrow the need for it soon. Is that cryptic enough?)
- bike
- iPod Touch
- a washer and dryer. Disposable diapers are so 2006!

Before I deleted everything over at cajo, I got an amusing comment from someone at 66.146.205.10, an IP that resolves to a Chicago-based ISP, on this entry:

Natural, yes. But do we all want to see it? NO. Just because you’re ok with it doesn’t mean everyone else is. Try to remember that.

You know, I had no idea that I was such an exhibitionist. I mean, this anonymous (me@me.com? Brilliant!) poster must have caught one of my acts a local restaurant, where I stood, half naked, on a table, latched Matthew on while squirting everyone in the face with my sexy breastmilk. There I was, nursing my kid, in ZOMG plain view of everyone, their mother and uncle, while sex-crazed patrons screamed and shouted, “MORE! MORE! MORE!”

Insert eye roll here.

I’m not okay with people who don’t have the guts to lay a name to their opinion (what is your opinion worth if you’re too scared to stand behind it? nada!), especially one as oppressive as breastfeeding in public.

…about the east coast and/or Chicago

- Dunkin’ Donuts coffee (iced decaf with cream and splenda, stat)
- Tank Noodle
- Thin crust NY style pizza
- Lake Michigan
- my mom.

Bloomberg Tries to Move the City Beyond 9/11 Grief - New York Times

Has it only been five years ago?

Back in May, Matthew spent a few days in the hospital because of RSV. They also gave him an EEG because of random spasming he’d been experiencing. They did this work in his room, on a laptop.

Today, Matthew got a letter from the hospital - that laptop was stolen and it also apparently had his SSN info in the machine too. The letter told us to watch out for identity theft, changes to his credit report, etc., although none had been reported yet.

His SSN is a year old. The boy is 14 months old and I have to worry about this? Or do I? Bah.

I wonder why the media and bloggers who denounce Britney’s “comeback” at the VMAs could focus more on her shitty music than her “fat” body. Because of Spears looks fat after 2 kids in as many years, then I’m a freaking whale. Never did I think that casual insults to Spears would result in me feeling more self-conscious about my own body. Sheesh.

Already it’s Sunday. Why we don’t have three day weekends is totally beyond me - I sure could use one right now.

Matthew and I are playing in his room right now - he’s playing with a scientific calculator and occasionally calling his homeworld on it. BART trains zoom by and he smiles and we both wave. He’s also really into “reading” books right now - he’ll open up a board book and gaze at the pages and say, “Ohh!” every once in awhile. It’s really cute. I can’t wait until he actually learns how to read.

On the docket for today: farmer’s market, a run (a run? Did you read that right? I want to run today! Is it time, maybe?), laundry (ugh), the Solano Stroll, and dinner at Josh’s grandmother’s. Perfect Sunday (maybe except for the laundry).

Ahm, it’s like a new pair of underwear, you know… At first it’s constrictive, but after a while it becomes a part of you.
- Dana Carvey’s character, Garth Algar, in Wayne’s World