Thursday, January 24th. I called Josh on my way home from work and he was at Dixie’s and she said Dixie was changing his diaper and noticed that his boil had burst and was draining. “Boil? Which one?” because the boy had a few (gah gah gah) and they’d all petered out, much better than mine.

On our way home from the train station, M was very quiet and stiff and sullen and didn’t even crack a smile at all. A couple of times I noticed him shivering but I figured it was because he didn’t have gloves and it was a little chilly out. We got home and I got him dinner - cue #1 that he wasn’t feeling well, he didn’t want any of it - NONE at all. And he kept walking stiffly and was shaking and shivering. He fussed about sitting down and fussed about everything. I finally said it was bedtime and got him ready for a bath and then bed.

The boil was not where I thought it was - it was about in the SAME exact position as mine were - in the back near the top of his butt crack and so swollen it was like the size of my palm!! It had bust open and drained a little, but not much. We sat in the tub for a little while and then I put some gauze and antibiotic ointment on it, put a diaper on him, and we cuddled and he’s sleeping for now. And the shivering? He’s got a 102ºF fever, so I gave him some Tylenol.

Friday, January 25th. Josh and I got Matthew ready, after another dose of Tylenol and outright anger from him when we changed his diaper, and went to the doctor’s office for walk-in hour. We got there at 9:15 or so that morning; Josh emailed into work saying he’d be late, I had my backpack with my commute stuff, ready to go after we were done there. Ha.

We didn’t see anyone until 11:30 (and by then Matthew was beyond cranky, as were we). I tried not to cry at one point when I went back to ask when we could get a room and see a doctor. We finally saw a doctor and with one look and a poke, she sent us to the emergency room at the Children’s Hospital for it to be drained - because he’s so young he would have to be sedated. I gave up the ghost on trying not to cry.

The only good bit out of this entire drama is that we live about 3 blocks from the doctor’s and we live in the other direction about 3 blocks from the hospital. Handy. So by the time we get into the hospital, it was around 12:30pm. The emergency department took a look at this nasty abscess, did an ultrasound, and decided to admit him (waterworks) for IV antibiotics and monitoring in case the abscess needed draining.

We got to our “room” - which was a curtained off area shared by 8 or so other kids, in various stages of illness. Only one parent could stay overnight at a time, and I stayed on the first night. Matthew received Clindamycin every 8 hours for 40 minutes or so a pop, and for a while also albuterol treatments for his cough. Because of the timing and the noise and everything, Matthew was a bear to get to sleep that night, and stay asleep.

Saturday, January 26th. Still more hospital. It is all we can do to keep Matthew occupied and amused. Josh’s grandmother came by to visit, and the two of them went to do grocery shopping together at one point. Bored beyond belief. Matthew’s culture comes back - definitely MRSA. Fortunately, he is responding well to the Clindamycin; according to the Infectious Diseases specialist, if he didn’t, then things would be more complicated. Josh stayed with Matthew Saturday night while I slept at home.

Sunday, January 27th. Much of the same boredom. We were anticipating being able to go home today, but no go. Gah.

Monday, January 28th. Same boredom, finally sprung from the prison of the hospital. Woo! Except Matthew takes a spill about an hour after we get back and falls down some stairs, while strapped into his stroller. So we head back out to the doctor’s office, where she proclaims him fine and reassures us that we’re not bad parents. Hard to believe that, what with the MRSA and the big ass bruise on his poor little noggin.

M has an abscess now.

Shoot me, pls.

I’m slowly crawling out of the abyss of infections and ass abscesses to post some pictures. I got a new lens for my camera (Josh’s mom: “That didn’t take long!”) and I am kind of madly in love with it. I am also feeling so, so much better. After the onset of the second abscess, I started on another round of antibiotics and that really took a lot out of me. Last week was a wash - I went to work on Monday and left around 4:30 to get a follow-up from the doctor from my first abscess. Tuesday, I stayed home because we were up late with Matthew (one day I won’t get up in the middle of the night with him, yes?) and I was exhausted - and felt the start of abscess #2 start to rear its ugly head. Wednesday, I took Matthew to the doctor (side note; the administration there totally bites the big one; we were there for a 9:15 appointment about 5 minutes late and didn’t see the doctor until 10:30 and then didn’t even LEAVE until 12:15. Matthew and I were starving and we were both whining on and off.). Thursday, I was a moron who went into work because I felt fine but as soon as I got there, quickly deteriorated and went home, where I stayed, pretty much holed up, until today. Gah.

I told Josh today on the way home from work that I felt like a productive member of society again. Phew.

Anyway, on with the good!

- Abscess healing brilliantly;
- Love my new haircut;
- Love my new lens and am getting back into my photography again, which I have sorely, sorely missed;
- Enjoying knitting again;
- Marveling at Matthew’s real kisses - pursed lips and all - mixed in with the open mouth slobbery ones;
- Just enough chill and bite in the air to remind me that it’s not always summertime in California.

Dear Matthew:

This letter is really late. Our days blur by together so much now and it’s hard to see where your new talents start - sometimes I look at you and it’s like you’ve always been pointing urgently asking “Ah dah?” (meaning in Matthewese, “What’s that and why can’t I have it RIGHT NOW MAMA?”)

A few notable events: your 18 month well baby visit went well. You’re no longer above the 100th percentile for weight, you are at a respectable 97th percentile. You are on track developmentally and even gave Dr. Lewis a hug. I got you a set of sized 2T/24 mos sleeper pajamas back in October and already they are too tight. For the longest time it seemed you’d have quite a bit of room to grow into them and now, already, too tight. You are a tall and stocky little boy, definitely not a baby (but don’t tell your Baba I said that).

You’re growing 4 new teeth right now and I think that should do it until your 2 year molars come in. Your sleep has been touch and go for a few weeks now, so either it’s because of the teeth or because you’re developing so fast in your brain that you can’t contain it all and have to share your crankiness with us. I am waiting for you to poop out an opera.

We went to Florida for Christmas and you had a blast, despite the grueling days of travel that bookended our trip. You were spoiled like crazy and I suspect this trend will continue. I ended up being really sick, and it was hard - I couldn’t hold you or take care of you, especially on New Year’s Eve. It scared me, and I want you to know I am here for the long haul. As soon as I finish up this round of being sick, I promise I am going to take better care of myself so you and I will get to know each other well when I am 90 and you are 60 and we’ll both be scouting out nursing homes together. Promise?

Love,
Mama

Month 18 on Flickr

The verdict thus far: undecided. Matthew’s pediatrician thinks his recurrent cysts/boils in his diaper area are MRSA. She thinks all of us have it (and definitely me too since I’ve had 2 bad abscesses and cellulitis), Josh has colonized it too. So we have to wash all of our clothes in hot water:

which will come in handy when we get our washer and dryer this weekend!

We also have to do bleach baths once a week (all of us), and swab the insides of our noses with an antibiotic ointment.

Of course, my doctor doesn’t think I have MRSA. I’m on another antibiotic, and if my current abscess doesn’t decrease after this course is done, then I have to go in and get cultured.

Man almighty am I sick of being sick.

Matthew, though, is none the worse for wear. He spent a bit of time yesterday in and out of Ava’s crate.

Sorry for dropping off into the ether like that. I’d say I’ve been busy, but haven’t we all?

Some fun things: today the landlord’s handymen have been by to install washer and dryer hookups! I am beyond excited, because this means I will break out Matthew’s cloth diapers. And because he was so chunky as an infant, he fit into size larges - which he will still fit into now. Woot! Cloth! Hiney! Yay!

I am the dorkiest person I know getting all psyched about diapers. Sheesh.

Another fun thing: the weather this weekend was gorgeous. One of my favorite pictures of my most favorite subjects:

I am tired of being scared of everything.

I am tired of being afraid to step outside my door because of a sex offender who might live next door/down the street/around the corner from me.

I am tired of being afraid of the Chinese and how they’re trying to kill us all.

I am tired of being afraid of terrorism.

I am tired of taking my shoes off at the airport when it’s security alert orange.

I am tired of orange alerts and laissez-faire TSA screeners.

I am tired of parenting being a game of what is best and how much that costs and if you don’t spend it, then you don’t love your child.

I am tired of parents (other mothers, mostly) who are surprised that another mother would deign to want to go back to work, thrive in that environment, because why have a kid if you’re going to let someone else raise him and therefore miss out on all of the important firsts in his life?

I am just tired. That is all.

After a couple of trips to the ER (oh, how I wish I was joking), three shots of lidocaine, two prescriptions of antibiotics, one prescription of Vicodin, and a partridge in a pear tree, I think the abscess on my ass (yes - I know. I know) is finally being beaten down. I feel 100% better than I did on New Year’s Day.

Throughout this all, I realized that my health insurance picks up most of the cost of pricey antibiotic lotion ($100 for a 15mg tube!) and the entire cost of a box of glucometer test strips. Wowza.

I have been glum over the past few days thinking about how shitty 2007 was - and for me, it was a whopper of a year, stressful and angsty and heartbreaking all at once. But for all of the bad parts of 2007 there was an overwhelming amount of good, and I have to remember that. I have to. So here they are.

- January 2007 - Matthew grew teeth. How amazing and ordinary is that? I know babies grow teeth all the time, but it is amazing for me to see these ordinary things happen to my kid. I can’t help it; I am fast becoming one of Those Parents. I’ll try to tame it, though. For what it’s worth, I was totally really excited about him growing a spine when I was still in the early days of pregnancy with the chunk.

- February 2007 - Josh and I hosted our third annual Chinese New Year dinner, and Josh’s parents came out, as well as some of our closest Chicagoland pals. I miss Chicago a lot and it’s because of the people we left behind.

- March 2007 - Matthew started sleeping better when we moved out of his room. This seems so boring, but oh man, did it have a positive effect on our quality of life.

- April 2007 - We had a great trip out to Orlando and were able to visit again with Josh’s parents. We also moved into a great new apartment in Chicago.

- May 2007 - Despite the reason, we had a wonderful trip back east to visit my family. Josh graduated from his Master’s program.

- June 2007 - I visited with two of my closest friends in high school in DC! Best trip ever. I traveled out west to interview for a position in San Francisco.

- July 2007 - I got the job! Matthew turns 1. We moved again, this time for good.

- August 2007 - We got a great new apartment and moved in.

- September 2007 - Matthew had his first haircut. While he might put this on “2007’s Darkest Moments” list, I beg to differ.

- October 2007 - I turn 31, and participate in a 5 mile walk to benefit breast cancer research. It was a great day.

- November 2007 - Matthew gets to tickle my grandmother’s toes. We celebrated Thanksgiving in California.

- December 2007 - We celebrated Christmas in Florida and had a lovely time with the fam.