When I was pregnant with Matthew, I bought about 45 books dealing with pregnancy and what I could expect. I remember reading What To Expect When You’re Expecting and immediately afterward feeling a sense of dread of what was to come - that book, I do not recommend, for one’s sanity and well-being, if for one little fact: most women and their pregnancies are boringly normal and run of the mill. They gain the right weight, they feel the baby kick - la la la, all is fine, and nine months later, a baby appears. What To Expect tended toward the paranoia side, I thought - and man, I do a fine job of that on my own; I hardly need the assistance of a book to tell me I’m going to mess things up and that people are after me.

This book, though, is so cool. I had the previous version when I was pregnant with Matthew, and it was fun to find out day-by-day what to expect - babywise and mamawise. For instance - Day 45: “By today or tomorrow, your baby’s nipples will become visible. By now, your baby’s trunk and limbs will begin to make spontaneous movements, as the connection improves between its brain and its tiny muscles and nerves…. Your baby now measures between 1/2 and 2/3 of an inch in length (13-17 mm). It might be tight, but two babies the size of yours could play in the cap of a liter-size plastic bottle.”

And yesterday, day 79 (for the mama): “…if this is your second pregnancy, you may be starting to show already [me: HA! "may"?]. Your uterus is likely to expand out of your pelvis sooner the second time…”

What I also love is that this book, in a pretty frank and quiet way, normalizes the birthing experience. It brings in birthing rituals from different cultures that really humbles all of the ultrasound technology and medicalization of birth that is so common in the US - but doesn’t do it in that crunchy “if you don’t birth in a grass field you are not a mother” obnoxious oneupsmanship sort of way. Tell me this is not inspiring and humbling and something to consider when birthing:

[blockquote]In the Yucatàn, other women besides the midwife and woman’s mother may be called in to give mental and physical support during a difficult labor. Traditionally, they encourage her, sometimes scold her, always let her know she is not alone, and tell her that the business of giving birth will soon be done, because they have all experienced what she is going through.[/blockquote]

I found this particularly useful as a second-time mom-to-be - there are plenty of tips for second/subsequent pregnancies and parenting tips that I am sure I will not remember now but may look back to another day. I’ve jotted down notes a lot more in this edition than I have in the previous one. The neat thing about this journal is that you personalize it to your pregnancy - you start at the back of the book with your EDD and then date the pages backward. The one problem with this is that I am not good, apparently, at backwards counting and have already made a few mistakes - so heed my advice - use a pencil. The other thing that’s sort of awkward is that it counts the weeks oddly - like right now, I am at 13 weeks and 2 days. Under today’s date - I am in week 12 or LNMP (Last Normal Menstrual Period) Week 14.

I highly recommend this book - it is a lot of fun to journal in and every few days I will leaf through, correct my dating errors (oops) and tell Josh, “Hey, the baby is practicing inhaling and exhaling now!” or “The baby is developing a penis now, if s/he is meant to!”

(Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book and will be receiving a $20 honorarium for reviewing this book. For more information on the book, visit the publisher’s website, Storknet’s review and NYT’s review)

Here is Matthew, stripped down to a diaper after a cold bath so we could both cool down yesterday afternoon. We’re in the middle of a “heat wave” here in the Bay Area - temps in the 90s. Of course, we have no AC, just a couple of fans I got from our last heat wave, and we really don’t need AC - it’s going to be back to normal in the 70s tomorrow, which is the kind of summer I am really in the right state of mind for. Josh is calling me a true Californian already. It’s true - I am a delicate flower! But dude, one of the reasons we moved here is because of the weather.

Witness: Chicago, IL, July 24, 2005.

At any rate, I am looking forward to tomorrow and the return of pretty happy weather. I am so superficial.

I am 12 weeks pregnant this week, which is kind of unreal; I feel like I just found out yesterday. This pregnancy is going by super fast. As is everything else in life right now. So, a list.

• Every time I see pictures of happy couples getting married I get a little verklempt. Note to Californians who want to destroy other people’s happiness: take it from me - one half of a straight couple who was married in Massachusetts after TEH GAYS were allowed to do so - the earth has not shattered and our relationship is not marred by same sex couples getting married (but we are constantly annoyed and irritated at straight couples who don’t want to extend the same privilege to their peers, so to hell with you).
• My friend from high school Alex came up to visit from southern California this past weekend - it was so nice to catch up! And as Josh mentioned to me at one point, “It’s weird that someone’s here whose known you longer than we’ve been together.” hehe.
• Pregnancy updates: I’m in maternity clothes full-time now. Some are amazed I have a belly so far; my response, not meant to be self-deprecating, just honest - I’ve always had a belly, now the uterus is pushing it out. At the last ultrasound last week, the baby’s neck fold looked great, and s/he is all of 4 centimeters long. Insane. Next official ultrasound is the Big One where we can find out the sex if we so choose (I am undecided this time) and that is July 29th. That doesn’t seem like it’s very far from now at all!
• I broke my favorite cheap little lens for my camera awhile back. Luckily, its replacement came today. I am excited to take pictures now especially that summer time seems to be full force at least on this side of the bay (still chilly all the time in San Francisco) and we can reliably count on nice and sunny days.
• Beedies update: I am now on insulin pretty much all the time. I am on a nighttime insulin, NPH, a long-lasting insulin that should keep me even at night and on a daytime insulin, Humalog/Lispro, that is rapid-acting and should take care of my meals. I am still on Metformin, but an extended release type, one in the AM and one in the PM. I am kind of in love with insulin - I wish I’d started taking it a long time ago!
• Matthew turns 2 next month. Mom is coming out to spend time with us for his birthday, as is Josh’s parents, so that will be fun. Busy, but fun.
• Two stories that should just Shock You immensely (thanks, Alice!): Report:Exams reveal abuse, torture of detainees and Two Bipartisan Reports Detail Administration Misstatements on Prewar Iraq Intelligence, and Inappropriate Intelligence Activities by Pentagon Policy Office. These should be filed and cross-referenced in the “No Shit, Sherlock” files and the “Why isn’t anyone caring more about this bullshit?” files. Gah.

And to end things here, a gratuitous aforementioned uterus-pushing-up-belleh-chunk pic:

He’s learned how to cheese it up for the camera:

• Are you deliberately that obtuse or were you just born missing a large part of your brain?
• Did you find your information through research or are you hitting up that hobag, Dr. Google?
• Oops, yes, you do sound a lot more racist than you intended. Perhaps because that is because you are
• Wow, how does it feel to type with so much condescension pouring out of your fingertips? Must get messy. Poor keyboard.
• Perhaps people would take you seriously if you learned how to type.
• Just because someone disagrees with what you say doesn’t mean they hate you. Maybe just a little. But not entirely. Just 18%.

Oops, I said that, didn’t I? Damn.

Right now I am sitting at my desk, too afraid to deal with the army of angry, hungry ants that are hovering over the remains of what was a delightfully decadent and good/bad dinner (good = tastes great! bad = not the best of things I have eaten, ahoy) from last night, which were tied up in a bag next to the trash can. These ants are smart. They send a scout out looking for the good stuff, and then tell all their damned friends to come and party. UGH. Dear lord, I will never not take food out again, but why does our old apartment have gaps where these little bastards come and wait for my misstep?

Luckily, there is a Josh in there, who is being the sweetest person ever and not holding my mistakes over my head like he ought to. God bless him. Ants. Ugh.

In less antsy news, thank you for your kind wishes about our impending arrival! Sometimes I think to myself, “Holy crap, what have we done to poor Matthew?” and then I think, “He’ll love having someone to gang up on us with.” So we’re even. He’s not really sure about what is going on, but from time to time we tell him that there’s a baby in Mama’s belly but he will always be Mama’s baby. Here is a case where my sentimentality about him will probably end up confusing him. I have halfheartedly looked for books out there, but I’m not sure he’s old enough to appreciate a book right now on the topic. At any rate, I am sure it will be easier to talk about when he can see my belly get bigger and maybe feel the baby kick.

Crazy. I can hardly believe we’re doing this again.